17 June 2010, Thursday night

Isaac, tonight Caleb and Micah went home after a three day visit. You cried as you went to bed. It is not good to be alone.

I laid with you for a while and shared stories of my own loneliness from childhood. I recalled when I left a new friend behind at the end of church camp. My heart was broken. Your heart was broken tonight.

You finally went to sleep on my arm and your closed eyes looked just like that sleep of the newborn when I stared into your face in the baby warmer. I thought of the 11+ years in between, and whether I’ve been a good friend for you or not.

God said “it is not good for man to be alone”. So did God learn something there? Of course he did: He learned what Adam is like in this world. He learned the one thing not good before the fall, the one bad experience not connected to rebellion. Loneliness.

Isaac, I knew soon after your birth that we would have only one child. So I knew your main burden to bear would be loneliness. I hope that what we could give you as an only child would somehow balance out the loneliness. You’re the only one who can answer that, and your answer probably will shift over the years. Tonight, you would not think we made a good decision.

I’m still sorry whenever you feel it. Nothing I say can make it good, for what God has named “not good” let not man rename. All I can do is lay beside you as you drift to sleep, and hope there’s some soothing in that.